


Melancholia

by RoxySmith



Category: Avengers (Comics), Doctor Strange (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with Sad Ending, F/M, M/M, Other, Soulmate AU, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxySmith/pseuds/RoxySmith
Summary: Doctor, Sorcerer Supreme, adventurer, player. There were many labels Stephen Strange would use, but one he never shared was ‘Blank’.In a world where the majority of humans have a soulmate, Stephen is one of the 1.4% who doesn’t have one. It meant that he should be free. But his heart is pinning for someone else, and it’s those exact feelings that makes him vulnerable.
Relationships: Hank Pym/Janet Van Dyne (past), Stephen Strange/Other(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Melancholia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JakeGodOfMischief](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JakeGodOfMischief/gifts).



> This is a gift for you Jake. Took me way to long to finish. But here you go.

Stephen had been a blank his whole life. When his words didn’t appear as a child, his mother had told him that sometimes your soulmate would take their time, and really think about what they would write on their beloved’s arm. His mother’s explanation made Stephen feel proud, he held his head up high as his classmates were starting to get their words. His soulmate was thinking about it, really considering what they wanted to say to Stephen. They never came. No matter how long he would stay up at night and think about them. Like the rest of the world he adapted to wear the cuff that kept his nonexistent words hidden. His siblings all believed he’d gotten his words when he started wearing his cuff, their mother never once revealed his secret. It wasn’t hers to tell. People without soulmates were something society pitted, and Stephen hated being pitied. He stopped caring about the fact that he would never have a *perfect* match, what did the universe knew anyway? He excelled in his career, became a famous surgeon and never once thought about a soulmate that would never come. Each night he had a new face in his bed, never did he remember their name afterwards. They were out of his life as fast as they arrived. As sorcerer supreme, he wouldn’t have the time to give a soulmate. They deserved more than he could give them. It was better that he didn’t have anyone. There were rumors about men and women like Stephen. They called them the blanks, because they weren’t right, because there were no other soul there to make them complete, they said they couldn’t love. That the bonds they shared weren’t real, after all any relationship outside their soulbond would be false. The sorcerer wished it was true. It would have made his life much easier. Because that was when he met Tony Stark. A brilliant man, a genius and compassionate human. A hero, even if he didn’t want the world to know what he did as Iron Man. He was convinced that the fact that he was Tony Stark would taint their view of the invincible hero. How could he ever think something as trivial would taint their view? Tony Stark was amazing, and so was Iron Man. His love for the man had grown over the years. He found himself seeking the other’s company. He listened as Tony talked and would inwardly smile whenever the genius watched him as he spoke. Stephen had fallen for Tony. He’d fallen hard. It was wrong. This was all wrong. Tony Stark already had a soulmate, and everyone knew it was Steve Rogers. They came out to the world as soulmates a few years ago, and Stephen had refused to acknowledge the pain in his chest. A pain that grew deeper and deeper for each day that passed him by. He could tell that they were happy. Honestly, that was the worst about it. If Tony been unhappy, then he could justify his feelings of envy. Steve Rogers were perfect for Tony. He made the insecure man feel like he was worth a damn. As if he was worth more than his money and gadgets. Stephen wished he had been the one to show Stark that. He wanted to prove to him how amazing he was. Tony was worth fighting for, however what he didn’t deserve was someone destroying the most pure relationship he ever had, probably ever would have. Because as much as Stephen loved the wonderful, kind, brilliant genius he would never measure up to a real soulmate. It crushed his heart. It felt like someone violently ripped out his soul and shredded it into a million pieces... no he knew how that felt and it was nothing compared to this.

“Hey, Merlin” the familiar sound of Tony’s voice brought him out from his thoughts. How he longed to being woken up by that very voice. To feel his firm biceps around his own strong core. Stark had found a new joy in calling him a bunch of random wizards names. Yesterday it been Gandalf and the day before that it been Dumbledore. He’d seen Tony a bit more frequently the last few weeks. That was the price he paid when he agreed to join the team. Maybe he should resign. After all, Wanda was as good as back, they only needed one magician. He turned his attention towards Tony to show the eager man that he had his attention.

“Yes?” He added, mainly because he knew how the other loved verbal confirmation.

“Were celebrating that New York is still standing and that we managed to keep everyone out from the medical bay” he felt Tony’s arm wrap around his. It would be so easy to press him up against the wall. To steal the one kiss he wanted since they fought their first mythical monster together. “Come on, your brooding demeanor doesn’t fool me. I know your just a big softy under that cloak of yours”

“No karaoke” was his only objection. How could Stephen say no? Tony asked him directly. He planned on just going back to the Sanctum. He might be an Avenger but he didn’t live at the tower, even if he technically had a room there. 

Stephen thanked the Hoary Host of Hoggoth and the Omnipotent Oshtur that they didn’t end up at a karaoke bar. Instead they agreed on buying take out from whatever place that was still open after an alien attack, which was an surprising amount to be honest. Maybe that said something about the citizens of New York. They gotten a good variety of Asian food as well as Italian and even some mythical to please Strange (although that kind of food was from Strange own fridge, he appreciated his attempt tough). It didn’t seem to be enough food, since Captain America was currently manning the grill whilst the rest were ether in the pool or dancing by the speakers. The amount of food they ate weren’t that surprising. After all, they were a team of superheroes. Even the ordinary humans consumed a lot of food. As little as Strange liked these kind of gatherings, he didn’t mind this. Not far away from him, Janet and Carol were talking amongst themselves. He didn’t eavesdrop, even if they mentioned his name a few times. They had stopped dancing a few minutes ago and were eating some sushi as they let their legs rest in the perfectly temperature pool.  
“I’m pretty sure Stephen is a blank too” Janet thought she said low enough for only Carol to hear. The Wasp had always trouble keeping her liquor down. Carol was a blank? He found himself stroking the non existent words on his wrist.“And he’s a good looker. If you like the silver fox thing. His love life is even more tragic than yours” the blonde woman looked over at him as if she was considering it.  
“Jan, you can’t be sure that he’s a blank. And what if he already have a wife in another dimension?” Carol pointed out.  
“Bull, he’s off but have you heard about *anyone* having a soulmate from another dimension. We’ve never seen him with anyone. Besides if he found his soulmate, wouldn’t he already be with her?”  
“You’re not with yours”  
There was a short silence between the girls. For a second Carol seemed to wonder if she taken it too far.  
“Jan-“  
“It’s alright. You got a point” the bubbly woman said with a smile on her face. As if the mention of Hank didn’t make her sad. Or pissed off.

Thor and Clint was enthusiastically filling their plates as they retold their favorite parts of the battle. They seemed to agree on it being when Thor blew up the mothership with a strike a Mjolnir. It was nice to see everyone getting along. Even Natasha Romanoff who pretended to be plotting something sinister in the other corner, was obviously emerged in Clint and Thor’s conversation. She added her own view of the battle and Thor seemed to agree with her.  
“Aye! And you were as magnificent as always” Thor boomed with laughter. It was hard to tell if he flirted or not. Everyone wondered if Clint and Natasha were soulmates, but neither had said a word about it. Maybe they were just close. He wanted to ask. Because if they weren’t soulmates he wished he could have what they had. His eyes trailed to Tony instead who was now holding his husband from behind. He couldn’t hear what he was saying. He was talking too low and he couldn’t really see his lips move. He could guess what they said. Hey sweetheart, how’s it going? I missed you. Let’s retire early tonight, I want my soulmate all to myself.  
Tony was smiling as his spoke. He looked so happy. As if this was everything he wanted. By the time Stark looked up, Stephen was already gone. He had nothing left there. What was he even supposed to do? They were all having a blast without him, and his suffering would drag the others down. 

The magician entered the Sanctum. Everything was so quiet compared to the tower. He could still hear the music at the back of his mind. The thought of staying for any longer was nauseating. It filled him with that dreaded regret and longing he was familiar with. He was pathetic. Even more so for the fact that he wanted to cry. Tony wasn’t even his soulmate he had to remind himself. Wong wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there here in ages. He was alone in this dreaded Sanctum that could drive any person insane if they spent too long inside. Maybe that was what wrong with him. 

No. It wasn’t entirely true. He wasn’t alone. There was someone there. Maybe something was a better word. The sorcerer supreme had many creatures living in his Sanctum. But there was one particular, one he should’ve gotten rid off months ago... but couldn’t. They called it the despair, a fitting name. That was the only thing he could feel whenever he was back, ‘home’. He felt the despair close by. From the corner of his eye he could see it- him...creep up behind him like a shadow. It tried a multiple different forms since it infected Stephen’s mind. Donna, Wong, Clea and at last Tony. It was his preferred shape. He knew it was not the real deal. It was always something slight off. The shade of his blue eyes were off, or his the way he smiled. Tony would never look that diabolic when he smiled. The slight prospect of maybe having a sexual relationship with Carol disappeared almost as quickly as if had arrived. It didn’t matter if they were both blanks. It would end terribly as all his other relationships.  
You’re a terrible man. Jane’s, voice echoed in his mind. Or was her name Janice? All he remembered were dark thick hair and glasses. He wish despair would pick up on that memory, at least the sight of someone else would be a relief. Of course he didn’t. As the man impersonated, he was smart. Involuntarily his mind went back to the party. It pleased despair.  
“Look at them, they’re having fun without you. They don’t need you in their life” his voice was like an icy wind on a cold winters night. His words as sharp as a knife. Sharper than that. Like the sides of an open tin can. What could he even say? You’re wrong? That was laughable. He knew that was a lie.  
The sorcerer attempted to look away as the figure stepped in front of him. He didn’t want to face Tony’s gaze. It was penetrating, nauseating. Demanding. He felt his face being tilted up so he could look into the taller creatures face. Sometimes he forgot that Tony was taller than him.  
“Look at me”  
Stephen wanted to say no. His body had other plans. Eyes that had been focused on the ornament to his side shifted, and just liked that he was captivated by the creatures eyes. They were wrong, his mind kept telling him. By the Flames of... Faltine? Seven Rings of... All-seeing eye of Agamo- Vishanti? He couldn’t even conjure up a real spell. They were all jumbled in his mind by a mist he couldn’t clear. It was becoming thicker.  
What is he? Some kind of wannabe Vampire? Real Tony’s voice echoed in his mind.  
Despair smirked, his body leaning closer. It was wrong. A voice, a very weak one protested. Taking a deep breath, he knew exactly what would happen next. Their lips met, but instead of the ecstatic and intoxicating feeling of being kissed, he felt his life being sucked out of him. Slowly the sanctum disappeared from his field of vision. All he could see was darkness. Black tendrils curled around his body, as a pathetic parody of romance. They captivated him, engulfed him in darkness. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breath. The tendrils of black smoke slipped through the corner of his mouth, slowly creeping down his throat. Filling him up, and suffocating him. His eyes felt damp, was he screaming? He didn’t even know. If he could he would curl up in the darkness until it was all over. But he was forced to stand there. The black smoke kept him in place as Despair ate his essence. He was sure he would kill him. How many times could the creature kill him by now? He lost count. What had Despair said.

“You have the perfect flavor. Sorcerer Supreme. You’re too precious to allow to wither away” Despair said when he broke the kiss. The smoke tendrils leaving his mouth. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. It was just darkness and bleakness.  
He couldn’t. Not anymore. He needed Tony, or this messed up imagine of him. His shaking arms wrapped around the creature’s body. His face buried in his chest as his aching hands squeezed the fabric of his suit. His whole body was shaking. Was it from the lack of any other emotion than despair, or was it the pain? Maybe the desperation. He needed this. He needed the illusion of being with Tony, and in a messed up way this was it. He had his own Tony Stark waiting for him at home.  
“I love you” the broken man whispered into the chest of the creature who he fought so hard to convince himself was his love.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Despair came to me during a RP I had with Jake. I’ve pitched this idea awhile ago, and I finally decided to finish it. A being like Despair would certainly feast on Strange. Give that man a break.


End file.
